Broken Daughters

Picking up the shattered glass of fundamentalism

Do Amish girls have nice tits?

22 Comments

Yesterday I logged into my stats page here on WordPress to find that somebody used the following terms in the search and ended up on my site: do Amish girls have nice tits. I thought that was a strange thing to ask. Very strange. But since I don’t think that person found an answer on WordPress, I decided to answer this question.

Amish girls, just like every other girl on the planet (or women, for that matter), have a normal female body. And I’m guessing while some might not live up to the western standard of beauty (like some among the worldly ones), they all have one or the other nice body feature.

The fact that somebody asks this question proves to me that the Amish, or any fundamentalist christian group for that matter, have succeeded in hiding their daughters away from the world. But it proves another thing: While preaching modesty to a point where it comes out of your ears, they succeeded in making their daughters an objects of sexuality and sensuality, much more than worldly girls and women might be. Doesn’t it show that this person is terribly aware of the sexuality these girls and women still show about them, even through the many layers of dress? Modesty is supposed to hide the things that could cause a man to lust. However, exactly this way of dressing makes the women and men equally aware of sexuality in general, and the sexuality hidden by extreme modesty.

Fundamentalist girls and women are much quicker aware of any body part which could be considered sexually attractive. Long legs, a fit and attractive body shape, attractive breasts and so on. When I walk around outside, I still point out the features on a woman I see which she should be covering. And it doesn’t stop there. My mind keeps on making up stories what could happen just because a woman is showing her long legs. How a married man might see her, lust after her, go back home to his short-legged wife and be thinking about the other one when he is with his wife. That she is pretty much forcing him to commit adultery.

And likewise, boys and men within the movement have a sharp eye for looks and dress as well. An immodestly dressed woman is blamed for the lust these men feel. She is no better than any prostitute out on the streets: She is damaged goods even if she’s a virgin. You need to understand where this is coming from: If she causes men to lust, she is in their fantasies. They might have sex with her – in their imagination. But that’s no better than actually having sex with all the men. If you’d marry this immodest woman, you’d marry a woman whom many other men have seen naked, even if they didn’t actually see her naked. A woman who had sex with many other men, even if she’s a virgin. They like to argue that modest dress is to protect men, but in reality, it’s just to satisfy the movement’s men’s craving for the absolute, the perfect virgin in every aspect.

For a long time after leaving, I have considered keeping my modest dress up. The fact that I was taught to save everything for my husband, even the glimpse of skin, was rooted deeply in my whole being. It took me quite a while to realize that, by the movement’s standards, I’m already damaged goods. It didn’t matter that I always dressed hypermodestly. I held hands with Harry, and that was an emotional as well as sexual connection I had with him. Harry and I actually kissed once, too, so there’s another aspect of my sexuality damaged by a man who is not and will never be my husband.

I’m at a point where I have no problem wearing jeans and knee-length skirts (that’s very short for me). I wear tank tops. I even own a bikini, and I have worn it, but never put it to use. When going swimming with my friends, I just couldn’t get myself to actually take of the beach dress I keep wearing and go swimming. I stick to wetting my legs in the shallow water and watch the others… sad but true haha. Many times I feel like I’m too immodest for the movement, but too modest for the world, I’m happy with where and who I am in this. And maybe I’ll end up swimming at some point.

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22 thoughts on “Do Amish girls have nice tits?

  1. Wow! Great post. Your capturing of that phrase on your analytics and turning it into this is brilliant. You have the beginnings of writing stardom!

  2. So true! What they don’t realize is that they’re actually making it WORSE. Seriously, who thought telling guys that they always think about sex and that lusting after a woman is the woman’s fault for dressing that way was a good idea? Great post. Really great. This who modesty teaching is so damaging and so pointless on so many levels. And by the way…it took me five years after I left to finally wear that bikini into the water. I have great faith that you will do it yet…on your OWN timing. And on being too immodest for the movement and two modest for the world, listen, girl, you can do things however you like! Develop your own style that you’re comfortable with and screams who YOU are, on your terms! You don’t have to conform to anyone’s standards anymore, except for YOURS! Isn’t it awesome? I just dyed my hair. Purple. Yes. It was liberating. Yay!

    • Purple hair?! Haha a girl at my town had purple hair when I was younger, maybe 14, and I thought it was such a pretty idea! Looking at it now, I don’t think it’s my color. BUT I actually have cut my hair short to my shoulders, opposed to what used to be waist-length, and I died it a rather natural shade of coppery brown. I have been craving to do that and now I’m so glad I did! I’m loving it!
      Though dress is still a bit of a fight for me, I’m sure I’ll find out what works for me sooner or later hehe

  3. Any over-interpretation of Scripture produces cult-like rules. It has been my experience that if you preach modesty in any context other than Bible, you are promoting something you shouldn’t. Your example is great, because it shows the extreme conservative end of the spectrum. Conversely, the extreme liberal end is just as dangerous. However, it is just as much, or more the man’s fault for entertaining the wrong thoughts as it is the woman for provoking them. The word modest simply means not bringing attention to one’s self. So, here’s my question. Is dressing Amish, or uber-fundy just as immodest as dressing “sleezy?” I think it is. Also, is it me, or are the ultra-fundies kinda like muslems when it comes to their views on women? My pastor made the comment, just Sunday night, that women suffer the most from religion. I tend to agree.

    • I absolutely agree. I too find now that I’m out of it that, while modesty is generally understood as “not drawing attention to yourself”, people on the other hand argue that you’re not supposed to be of this world and it’s culture. So it’s alright to look freakish and weird, and the fact that this draws attention to the women as well is ignored. But if there’s one thing I can tell you for sure, it’s that the fundamentalist movements hardly make sense. They just want to be right. On the other hand, I also don’t think it’s good for yourself if you run around half naked and “need” the looks and attention to feel comfortable with your own body. As every thing in life, there should be a balance.
      Thanks for your comment!

      • You’re welcome! I read a bunch of your older posts tonight, since I didn’t go to church. Heathen, I know, but I was actually on the road last night, singing and preaching at another church. I just want to encourage you that you’re on the right track. The problem with the sect of the fundy movement you were raised in, is that while preaching salvation by grace through faith, they still had you held somewhere under levitical law! They iverlooked very important verses like Galatians 5:4, and danced around the whole book of Romans, because if they could hold you under bondage, they can control you. I know pastors and fathers like this all around the country, and it was people of that persuasion that made me want to run from God, and Christianity. I found freedom and true joy in Christ, and I pray you find it as well, and can stop torturing yourself, wondering if what you did was right or not. In the meantime, keep writing, because you’re giving me ammo in this fight against this unbiblical movement.

  4. LOL! I used to wear a bikini once upon a time, but after popping out four babies, my new goal at the beach is to cover up enough to not be revolting yet not so much that I look like I’m a Sikh. Fortunately, I have discovered Lands End swimwear. They have modest-yet-flattering suits that are super comfy. They even have tankinis and rash guards that you can wear with swim shorts, kind of like what MEN swim in but in pretty colors and shaped for a woman’s body. Why is it that men get to dress comfortably while swimming and we don’t? I’m through with tiny spandex. No more pulling at the perpetual swimsuit wedgie between my cheeks, and plenty of sun protection. I do not enjoy sunburning my white butt cheeks, boobs and belly… not at all sexy either: “Hey, check out that hot mama (literally, cause I got kids) with the lobster-red cleavage and blisters on her buns LOL!

    I found your blog kind of accidentally, and I have really appreciated your point of view. I hope to have a moment or two in the future to email you and let you know how you’ve inspired me as a mom. For the record, I suppose I am technically a fundamentalist, since my hubby and I do believe the Bible to be the undisputed Word of God, but I strive to be a relational Christian (God is my daddy and Jesus is my friend and savior) and not a legalistic one, especially where my children are concerned. I hope that does not disqualify me here. Anyway, thank you for sharing your heart.

    And I hope you can take a swim this summer. Swimming is such fun.

    • Hey, Thanks for your comment!
      I don’t mean to portait conservative christians and all fundamentalist ones. I for my part know quite a bunch of conservative christians who aren’t like the group i grew up in at all, and even in my “group” of the movement, there were people who actually lived it in a way that I think is good and “biblical”, or at least, they stick to what the bible says and don’t make up things on their own like others in the group did.
      Like my friend Tiffany, who was in our fundamentalist movement, but she was very different, yet everyone would consider her a fundamentalist. She believed in natural family planning, but not in actual contraception, that the place of the wife is her home, but if she needs to work to help the family, thats ok too, and so on and so on. I think as long as you’re not blindly obeying legalist rules just because someone preached them to you, you’re fine, even as a fundamentalist.
      I really appriciate your comment and I hope you’ll write that email, I’d love to hear from you!

  5. Interesting post! I totally agree that the huge focus on “modesty” actually makes things worse, in the sense that it draws attention to the women and teaches men in the movement to think in hyper-sexualized terms. Some of the crazy perceptions that I’ve heard are disturbing and nothing short of perverted. For example, “Don’t wear short sleeves because elbows can remind men of breasts” or “Slits in skirts indicate that a woman is ready for you-know-what.” Say what?!! Only someone with a perverted mind would make rules and justifications like that.

    I believe modesty is important, but I also believe that for the most part it is relative to the culture you live in. We should dress in a manner that is considered respectable and appropriate for the situation.

    • “Don’t wear short sleeves because elbows can remind men of breasts” or “Slits in skirts indicate that a woman is ready for you-know-what.”

      EEEEEEEEEEEEEEXACTLY. Looking back, I can’t stop laughing at a lesson a mother from another fundamentalist family taught us in a bible study: You should dress in a way that shows that you’re a woman, but also a lady. Dress in a feminine way. But stick to plain colors. They shouldn’t be too bright either, that draws too much attention. It should be feminine so wear something girlish. But don’t go for ruffles or bottoms, they draw attention to the wrong places.

      So, we’re back to good old grey huh?

      I also think we shouldn’t run around half naked, simply because that still seems silly to me. But now, I don’t really see why seeing the knees when you’re wearing a skirt is so incredibly immodest.

      • Totally agree with you about the knees. I wanted to clarify that I am not from the same “movement” that you’re describing, but from another very conservative group, from which I heard those examples.

  6. Frankly, dressed to the nines or barely a thread, women are women. I can’t get enough of my wife. We live in Minnesota where 90% of the year is below the freezing mark. We have 6 kids and the best sex life this side of the Mississippi.

    Clothes don’t matter. A man will see right through them.

    Also, in my opinion, there is nothing sexier than a doily on the head,

  7. I’m always amazed that the more people believe in covering up, the more obsessed they seem to be with sex in general. As an example, when I was in college (a state university), I stopped to visit an ex-boyfriend’s mother. He happened to be home from his fundamentalist Bible college and told the story of someone having left their *cough* underwear *cough* in one of the classrooms. The professor came in and said something on the order of: “One of you forgot something important.” His mother and I were both dumbfounded and embarrassed by the story. I sat there thinking: “not one of my professors at the state run university would have said a single word or even acknowledged that the item was there.” Unfortunately I find it true wherever I go that the more skin and sex are sins, the more they are talked about.

  8. I discovered your blog today, and have been reading voraciously ever since. I was hardly able to tear myself away long enough to cook dinner! (My husband doesn’t mind going hungry when it means that I’m understanding my past a little better.) Many things from your blog have resonated with me, but this post in particular struck a chord, or 2 chords, as the case may be.

    1) The Bikini. My wedding was this spring. The night before the wedding, my brother and his wife invited me to join them in going to their hotel pool. I had already sent most of my clothes ahead to the honeymoon location, so all I had to wear was a borrowed bikini, and no cover-up. I nervously put it on and clutched a towel around me, feeling so very embarrassed to be dressed this way next to my big brother. But then he smiled at me, and I asked why he was smiling. “Because I’m happy,” he replied. “I’m so happy that you’re finally wearing a normal swimsuit.”

    2) “Maybe I’ll end up swimming at some point.” I’ve been sorting through some first-class PTSD over the last 3 years — ever since I volunteered at a treatment center for severely abused children, and realized that some of their stories were eerily similar to my own. During the worst 9 months of the symptoms, my brain perceived everything as a threat to my physical safety: crowds, loud noises, the dark, even water. I’m not fully recovered, and sometimes I wonder if I ever will be, but my beloved husband keeps encouraging me to try new experiences, like a rock concert (loud AND crowded, not to mention sinful), or the local swimming pool, where I insist on staying in the shallow end. Last week we watched a 15-month-old baby jump into the pool and swim to his mommy’s arms over and over again, and I started to cry because I can’t imagine being as daring as that baby was. My husband saw and coaxed me along the wall all the way to the 5′ deep section, moved several feet away from me, and beckoned me to swim to him. It was hard to let go of that wall, and I think we both felt a little silly, but I kept seeing that baby and thinking to myself, “I can do it too!”

    • Hah, what a great husband!
      How come your brother reacted so… different? I can’t imagine one of my brothers saying something like that. They like the movement as far as I know.
      I know what you mean about swimming. I can swim, but I don’t feel like I do. My biggest horror about swimming is that this stupid bikini will get caught up on some plant and be partially remove and expose even more skin, and everybody would stare and point at me, and then I’d have to walk back to my bag like that and ugh, it’s stupid and unrealistic. I’m also afraid in the dark because I constantly hear things, like, little noises, which is normal, but I always connect them to human origin. Maybe because I grew up with so many ppl in the house, a noise would always be “somebody does something”. Now, I constantly believe I heard somebody in my house, but it’s really nothing.

      • My brother never entirely embraced the “movement,” as you call it. Our parents considered him a rebellious son, and my father punished him harshly throughout his teen years. He left home as soon as he was 18, and he never really talked about anything relating to our upbringing — and he didn’t talk about what he believed or did after leaving home. I didn’t think he’d judge me, per se, for wearing a bikini, but still… I’d never shown that much skin to anyone in my family. To this day my brother is so close-lipped about the way we were raised, I never imagined that, all this time, he was actually rooting for his younger sisters to shed their bondage.

        • Oh I feel for your brother. But he isn’t the only one this happened to, I heard many times how parents talked about a “rebellious” subject in their family. Seems like they get singled out a lot within the family group, always dragged around as the black sheep… I can only imagine how hard that is.
          Do you talk to him about it?

  9. I’ve tried, but he just doesn’t talk, period. You’ve written about how fundamentalist men are trained to hide their emotional sides, and it’s so true for him, especially because he’s now in the military. Which is why I was so stunned to hear him open up, just for a moment, about how he was happy for me to “get out.”

    • Yes it must be very hard for him and the way you deal with emotions is a habit VERY hard to change. Maybe he needs more time, maybe he has already made his own peace with it, who knows, but I’m sure he’s glad to have a sister like you who’s there anyway and accepts him for who he is!

  10. This question doesn’t surprise me at all. With the way Christian women are taught to hide themselves, it’s no wonder that everyone would assume they don’t have feminine bodies.

  11. I think there needs to be a balance. Some churches/christian movements hyper focus on modesty while others don’t pay enough attention to it. I have seen so many young girls in the church, some with parents who are prominant figures in the church, who dress with little skirts and low cut shirts, and even post these pictures along with bikini pictures on their social sites. Some of the parents will even post those pictures on their own sites and people will post “she’s so beatiful” while on their kid’s sites they get posts like “dang girl” or “good thing your dad has a gun ;)” it honestly makes me cringe when I see skirts on a christian girl that are half way up her legs, or such low cut v neck shirts that plunge into her cleavage. In the same way some parents go overboard in making their girls cover up, some parents, I don’t think (along with mentors in the church) are spending enough time on the topic. When I first became a Christian I continued wearing 2 piece bikinis, then tankinis with a wrap, now I’m looking into getting a swim dress… not the kind of outfit the Duggar’s wear, those are kind of unsightly, lol :P

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