Not quite sure yet!
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Yay! I love that “I don’t know” is an option on the outside! Good for you!
Uh I love your blog, I just read a majority of your posts and slightly envy you for being able to express your thoughts like that. Love it! I got to put that on my blogroll
Oh, I just saw this! Thank you! I’m glad my blog speaks to you. As for expressing my thoughts, I’d point out that I’ve had several years to process since I left, and I’ve been at university for over five years now, in a field that requires lots and lots of processing and writing! Also, I think you write pretty well yourself, and I enjoy hearing what you have to say about your experiences as well! Keep up the good work!
Lisa, you are a good writer. I really enjoyed reading your posts (it has occupied most of my afternoon). I was a homeschooler (now a PhD student) and while my family was very open (probably like the woman’s family you went to sew with) I know several families like those you describe. It breaks my heart to think about them and read your stories; for your sake and for those I know who I am sure have had similar experiences. I was friends with one of their sons and he ran away a couple of years ago. My parents tried to help him but I think he just wanted to get as far away from everyone in his “old life” as possible. Thank you for writing.
Just in case you haven’t seen it, Dana Hunter over at FreeThoughtBlogs wrote a really beautiful piece inspired by your blog:
I don’t know where you are in sorting out your beliefs, but I hope this gives you some really hopeful things to think about…
Reading about quiverfull lifestyle has led me to a question for the QF daughters who have left QF- Have you ever been told by your parents or other authorities that you are loved, loved deeply just for who you are and that to keep that love you do not have to accomplish one darn thing?
Oh, how my heart breaks for you because, I am coming from something similar (not quiverfull just an Italian family whose mom wanted a little girl, but got me, instead, a tomboy.) but having been raised where I was taught on a daily basis how worthless I was, that I would never amount to anything….over and over and over again. And constantly being trained to do the right thing. And never getting it right. And being told over and over again how wrong I was. My very personality was always in question, attacked and put down.
I became performance-based, that I was only worthy of any one’s love or approval based on performance (school grades, etc.) And one small mistake and that approval was withdrawn quickly.
It was so ingrained that I turned all emotion inward (ok, outward shows of love to my cats and other critters I could do)
I know you are wondering if there is a God, Having been to other previous QF daughters’ bloga who decided there was not a God, My heart breaks for them, also.
So here it is for what it is worth (and I guess I am doing this for myself as well, as I am still not always convinced and need to hear it often! ) ….
Jesus loves you -very much- He accepts you just as you are, hurting, confused. lost. . If you were the only person on earth He still would have gone all the way to the cross- just for you. His burden is easy and His yoke is light. He understands your deepest hurts and loudest cries. He even accepts you cussing him out (sometimes that is our deepest prayer.)
You never have to decide if you believe in God, gods or which versions of god that you believe in or that you don’t believe in god, gods or some variation thereof. Being agnostic is an intellectually honest opinion, while complete suriety seems to me to be, at best, arrogant.
Hi, Carol. Yes, it does sometimes seem much better not to have a god to believe in. You certainly do not worry about which version or variation or the latest best thing to believe in. I certainly struggle with many things, but that is my nature. Others have less struggle. But the thing about believing in God through Jesus is the opposite of arrogance. I have sinned and offended God. But I cannot pay for my sins. God arranged it so His son would be the payment. I admit I am needy and cannot figure it out all by myself and need something more than what I am. Christianity (the kind in the Bible, not the kind which man has made it out to be) is the only religion that offers salvation through Jesus death on the cross) while all other religions say you can find what you need within yourself and your own searching. Now which sounds more arrogant?
ditto Esbee, Our Pastor has always advocated reading and following the Bible asking for wisdom, not the latest popular author or preacher..that formulates ideas and tenets by twisting scripture or not referring to scripture at all.
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