Broken Daughters

Picking up the shattered glass of fundamentalism

Training up this child – Part 9 – Be my baby

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The days kept passing by. Though I didn’t do school anymore, my days were busy. I was helping my mother a lot with the house and kids. I tried to help her home school the kids as well but it was a nightmare for me. Neither did I have the skills, nor the personality to teach ANYONE. I was impatient, quickly annoyed and I couldn’t explain things very well. My siblings feared my lessons, knowing they would get yelled at even during silent work. I just couldn’t do it. I started being very worried about it, too. How would I teach my own kids? What if I had 15 kids and had to school them all by myself? I was scared, not because out of fear they wouldn’t learn anything – which they wouldn’t have for sure – but what would God say if I didn’t produce perfect warriors? I cried many nights and prayed for help.

During this struggle and Beth’s remarks on marriage and happiness I began to wonder whether I was marriage material at all. Until the day came on which my dad approached me and asked me to have a talk. I was a few months into 18, almost 19 at this point. I was afraid he would lecture me about my purity, or my way to home school the kids, but nothing of that.

He told me that Harry, Beth’s older brother had expressed interest in me. He admired my quietness and meekness, my willingness to be simple and how I never complained. Harry had asked for permission to start a courtship with me. Though we were friends with the family for quite a while, I never ever talked to Harry alone. As he was a guy, we weren’t allowed to be in a room together without our parents. I didn’t mind, I didn’t know that he had any interest at all, and to be quite honest, I personally didn’t have interest in him. But when my dad told me about the courtship proposal… boy, was I excited!

I didn’t even think about the fact that I would have to MARRY this guy, LIVE with him and have his kids, submit to him and serve him. The only thought that was screaming through my head was that if I married Harry, I’d be Beth’s sister-in-law. Our kids would be cousins. We would get to spend even more time together. We could visit each other whenever we wanted, without an authority around. Maybe we would live close, and we could help each other out every day. I’m ashamed to admit this, but another thought was: If Beth helped me home school my kids, God wouldn’t be as angry at me. I would clean her house while she helped me out with the kids.

All these thoughts cause a big, nervous, excited smile on my face. I must have been quiet thinking about this for a few minutes. My dad interpreted it as agreement. He woke me up from my thoughts, asking “So you do agree, right?”. I looked at him for just a second and said “Yes! I would love to! Praise the Lord for hearing my prayers!”

My dad went ahead and told my family about it. My mom was excited. She hugged and kissed me and told me that I had made the right decision, expressed her hopes for this courtship, as Harry was a truly godly guy with the spirit of a leader. My dad sat us down to call Harry and his dad back and tell them about the decision. Harry expressed great joy that I agreed. Mind you, I didn’t talk to him, the phone was on speakers so I could hear it.

That day, I started a courtship with a man whom I hadn’t talked more than 10 words to.

Read the previous part here, or the next part here.

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