Well, I wanted to work on some posts today but I didn’t write more than 10 lines. It’s one of those days where fear and worry dominates my thoughts.
I’m so afraid that God hates me now. So afraid. They say a “saved” person can’t lose his or her state, and I’m trying to cling to that even though I’m supposed to reject that kind of legalistic thinking, but it’s so hard.
Questions keep racing in my mind. What if I did the wrong thing? What if God wanted the things that happened to happen? What if I’m going to hell now for breaking an amount of commandments and laws that I never thought possible?
I feel like confessing to him. Like saying, Please Lord, forgive me my rebellion, please take me back. Like running back to my family and submitting to my father’s will. Today I feel like that would have been the right thing to do. I’m completely off track with my own plans.
Oh dear God, where is this going?