Broken Daughters

Picking up the shattered glass of fundamentalism

Feelings after leaving


Well, I wanted to work on some posts today but I didn’t write more than 10 lines. It’s one of those days where fear and worry dominates my thoughts.

I’m so afraid that God hates me now. So afraid. They say a “saved” person can’t lose his or her state, and I’m trying to cling to that even though I’m supposed to reject that kind of legalistic thinking, but it’s so hard.

Questions keep racing in my mind. What if I did the wrong thing? What if God wanted the things that happened to happen? What if I’m going to hell now for breaking an amount of commandments and laws that I never thought possible?

I feel like confessing to him. Like saying, Please Lord, forgive me my rebellion, please take me back. Like running back to my family and submitting to my father’s will. Today I feel like that would have been the right thing to do. I’m completely off track with my own plans.

Oh dear God, where is this going?


2 thoughts on “Feelings after leaving

  1. I still have days where I am afraid. But it gets better. And I’m not afraid of my parents anymore, if that is any comfort.

  2. Oh, (((Brokendaughter)))
    Your story break my heart and I’m not the greatest consoler in the world. Even though I don’t want to quote a lot of Bible at you- you surely heard a lot of Bible, twisted to fit your parent’s views, as you were growing up – I’ll answer this:

    No, you did not do wrong by running away. As you yourself observed on this blog,the Bible don’t say, that you should stay under your father’s authority. In fact, Jesus spoke against patriarchy:

    While hearts can be deceitful, it’s only part of the story. The Bible also calls our hearts (feelings) a source for good. And questioning and learning is also good. Your brain and heart are given by God. Use it.

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