Broken Daughters

Picking up the shattered glass of fundamentalism

Hey there network!

30 Comments

I have sooo many posts saved as drafts but I’m still struggling whether I should post them. Some of them are personal, other are silly, again others are just plain weird. I’m still very much a pleaser, I like to avoid stepping on anyone’s toes in any way. It’s very hard for me to voice my opinion freely. I think I need to work on that and I’ll try to get some stuff posted… we’ll see.

The weekend up ahead will hopefully be a good one. I’ve been planning a short trip to visit a friend and I think that should be fun.

I’ve been almost shocked over my site stats, surprised that so many people find my blog worth reading. I can’t tell you just how glad I am that there are so many people out there who know how I feel and share their thoughts with me.

The Facebook shares of some of my posts have risen to a point where I’m too curious about it. I actually made a Facebook that you can find here and a page for my blog which is here so that I can keep up with all the other Facebooking bloggers. So add me if you like! You’re up for a massive amount of Facebook updates such as “12 PM I’m eating noodles! YUMMY!” – “12:15 I’m done eating noodles! They were YUMMY!” Hah just kidding. But it would be great to network a bit more! I’ve been considering getting my own twitter too. I’ve been reading many twitters of many fellow bloggers for months, but I never bothered signing up. Maybe I’ll do that one of these days.

Also, I have been working out a plan to culturalize me some more. Like many others, I don’t know much about popular music, movies, stars and so on. I decided that I wanted to catch up a bit. Here’s a list of things I’ll do:

  • Learn to sing along with 5 popular songs (such as Michael Jackson stuff or people like that)
  • Watch 10 of the 100 best movies of all times (like Star Wars! I’ve seen the first 2 already!)
  • Watch the entire filmography of one star (I’m thinking Natalie Portman, because I really liked Black Swan)
  • Find one regular show I like (like, I don’t know, Desperate housewives, or How I met your mother, I’m still looking!)

What do you think? Suggestions? Ideas? I’m open for anything. I just want to finally be able to feel a bit more normal when people ask me “What’s your favourite song?” or “What’s your favourite show?” or when they throw lines from popular movies at you and you just don’t know what the heck they’re talking about.

30 thoughts on “Hey there network!

  1. Watch Mad Men! It’s great! It’s historical, set in the 1960s. So you’ll both learn some history AND have something to talk about in real life, because Mad Men is very popular and practically everyone is in love with Don Draper. Trust me. It doesn’t run again until next summer, but there are four seasons already done for you to watch. You can get them at the library.

    Oh wait! First watch Gilmore Girls! You simply HAVE to. Basically every girl in our generation grew up watching them. There were seven seasons, and they ended the show a couple years ago, but it’s a cultural icon. AND you’ll be surprised how much culture you learn. Seriously, get up right now, get in the car, go to the library, and get the first season (there are seven, so you have a lot of season ahead of you!). You won’t regret it!

    Also, yes, watching movies helps. A friend of mine actually gave me a list at one point.

    And post more of your story soon! I can’t wait to read more!

    • Haha EVERYONE tells me to watch Gossip Girl! I’ll definately try it out, a friend of mine collects the dvds, she’s got all of them.
      I’ve been watching a lot of the Disney/Pixar movies lately and really like them so I really haven’t had much time for shows. Is it silly that Finding Nemo made me cry? I actually felt a lot like Nemo but he had a much better ending!
      I did watch the first episode of Lost though and that was just… amazing! I didn’t think that a show about being stranded could be so exciting!

      • Since I found this website a few hours ago, I haven’t been able to stop reading. I’ll have to send you an email here in a second.
        I love this page though. I too grew up in a very strict fundamentalist group. My great grandfather, my grandfather, and my father were/are still ministers within that group, and I was supposed to be a missionary’s wife someday.
        Now that I’m out, I’m really trying to figure out how to be normal still. I’ve tried to do research, even googling “assimilating into American culture” and lists of popular things (I know kind of silly) without much luck. I’m very glad you posted this!
        .

  2. Don’t worry, it took me a long time to be brave enough to post the silly and weird posts, and I’m still working on the personal thing, some things I’m just not sure I want to share. What I have shared so far has been very good for me, and when I think that sharing the other stuff would be good for me I may hit publish on those too. I try not to worry about pleasing an audience, I post for me.

    Have fun with the songs and movies. And I suggest trying out the TV show “Glee”, it is set in a high school, so you get a taste of that, and they sing a bunch of songs (old hits and new) which has been very helpful in my “cultural education”. You may have to rent the first 2 seasons (or wathc them online) to get caught up, but it’s worth it.๐Ÿ™‚

    • Hey Young Mom! yeah posting for me is what I’m trying to do with my life series. It’s all still kind of fresh and I have the inner feeling that if I don’t put it down somewhere for myself I’ll forget and I don’t know if that would be a good or a bad thing for me…

      I have actually seen a bit of Glee and I really liked it! It was a while ago and mid season so I didn’t really get it, but I loved the musical style! Turns me into a grotesque little girl humming and dancing along in front of the TV!

  3. Oh, one more thought! When I was in college, my friends had me watch Mean Girls and Napoleon Dynamite. They told me high school was a cross between the two.

    Also, thanks for the thought Young Mom, maybe I should look into Glee too. My sister loves it, but I don’t have cable, so I’d have to look it up online. Sounds like a good idea, though!

  4. I think one of my comments accidentally got deleted? Weird. I recommended checking out all seven seasons of Gilmore Girls at the library and watching them. It’ll take some time, but I really think this would be my #1 recommendation! Really, really, really! I can’t say it enough – watch Gilmore Girls! I’d also recommend watching Mad Men – you can check out the first four seasons at the library, and the next season isn’t until next year.

  5. My recommendation is to watching a sampling of genres in TV, movies and music and then expand your favorites. For me in movies and TV, I like classics (40’s-50’s) especially musicals, military, crime solving, romantic. Be careful watching all of a modern actor or actresses’ movies, some are not good. Old time actors and actress, like Gene Kelly, it’s safe.
    For music my favorite genre is Country and Contemporary Christian.

    • I’m not much of a music person anyway and I can’t say that there’s a genre I really like. I don’t listen actively, it’s just background noise for me.
      I too love musicals! It’s really hard to find modern ones with that so I got to watch to the classics.

      • Oh! Oh! If you want a great musical, watch Newsies! Also, Bride and Prejudice – it’s actually an Indian film, and the music and dancing is amazing!

        • Do NOT get me started on indian movies! I AM OBSESSED! oh gosh hehe, a friend MADE me watch one and every since I’ve been soaking them up like a sponge, but it’s so hard to get them on dvd or somehow with acceptable quality and subtitles! Best indian movie ever made is Veer & Zaara, nothing beats that!

  6. I just found your blog today and am going through the archives. What a story you have!
    I grew up in a fundie household, too, and refer to my childhood as the “dark ages” since I was also sheilded from pop culture.

    In terms of cultural education, I recommend The Office (the TV series) and Office Space (the movie) as well as seconding the other suggestions in the comments. People where I work make a lot of references to both, and they’re really funny!

    Music is a little harder for me to get into, but I married a metal-head so I’m slowly learning to appreciate bands like Metallica. It’s a far cry from my early years where that music was considered “evil” – but if you like that stuff, there’s an amazing amount of talent out there!

    Also, don’t force yourself to like something if you find that it bothers you! The world outside of fundamentalism is way more accepting of varying tastes and preferences. Sure, there are certain popular things, but people won’t yell at you if you tell them that such-and-such a show or artist isn’t really your thing.

    I look forward to reading more of your wiritings!

    • I know what you mean about the varying tastes. My problem is really just that when I’m asked about something, I can’t even say that I don’t like it because I just don’t know it.
      Yeah maybe it’s that music is evil mindset that’s still working it thing. Just like dancing – I’d never dance in front of people because it’s too sensual and drawing attention to your body and entire being. But I love watching people dance, I don’t really see where the sexual connotation comes from most of the time…
      Dark ages, now that’s a term I want to borrow!

    • The Office is my all time favorite comedy show. Season 2 made me laugh so hard I was sometimes relieved when the commercials started! Plus it has star-crossed lovers, an outsider type, and the boss who is completely unable to grasp the way he is perceived by others. I love it and cannot recommend it enough! I also like Glee a lot. I haven’t ever watched Gilmore Girls…

  7. Omg! I feel the same way about “catching up”. I always tell my friends to give me a break because I’ve had two years to catch up on 20 years of media! I’ve been reading your story and totally identifying with you. My parents never tried to marry me off to someone, but they sure tried lots of other crap. I’ve never been so happy and free in my entire life as I am now, away from all that bondage and lies. And they always told me I’d have a huge load of guilt if I ever lived “worldly”. Haha! Not true! Anyway. Thank you so much for telling your story. I love reading it!

    • I have to admit that I didn’t feel “married away”. I’d always said I wanted to be a wife and mom. I didn’t feel like it was wrong… And I don’t blame my parents really as I never resisted the courtship I was in.
      I know what you mean about being free… It’s so strange and so exciting to have a say in your own life. My friends call me and ask me out for a coffee… and I don’t have to ask for permission or anything… I just look at my calender to see if I have time and then it’s up to me. Very different, very satisfying!

  8. Maybe you could take some courses in popular culture at a college? That would be cool. I’m in the process right now of going back to college after being in fundamentalism and being told it was wicked for me to go to college and how I’d rebelled to do so because I didn’t need college to be a wife and mother. I just found your blog today and can’t wait to catch up with the rest. Maybe I can do that next week as I’m having my baby girl on Monday.

    • I don’t think I can really fit in much more at the moment, between school, work and I still really do want some time for myself, to blog, to meet friends, just do things I enjoy for once. That’s my biggest luxury.
      Great to hear you’re going to college! It’s always good to see ex fundie girls get out… and even greater that you’re having a baby! I wish you all the best for the next few days and weeks and that everything goes well! I hope you’ll come back here when you’re having some spare time and let me know how it went!

  9. Wow! Another post where I feel like you’re writing from inside my own head. When Michael Jackson died 2 years ago, I realized that I couldn’t name a song or even hum a single tune of this icon! So I spent 3 days watching music videos and performances of his on youtube whenever I got a chance. My favorite? “Beat It.” I just love the message of encouragement and empowerment to kids tempted to join gangs (a far cry from “glorifying evil” as I had assumed rock music always did).

    And more recently, I realized that I didn’t know what Soul, Funk, or R&B from the 1940s to 60s sounded like. According to my parents, all modern secular music was sinful because of its “African beat,” but I noticed that they were less strict regarding music from the same time periods performed by white musicians. (Don’t even get me started on IFB and racism!!) So I went to the local Barnes and Noble, put on their sampler headphones, and listened to album after album of black performers such as Aretha Franklin, Ray Charles, Louis Armstrong, Diana Ross…. and I wept and wept. The poor clerk asked me what was wrong, and all I could say was, “It’s just so beautiful.”

    • Beat it is my favourite song too! And there’s a newer version of it by some other band that sounds pretty much the same but I like that too haha.
      “African beat?” I’ve heard a lot of silly things in my life but african beats were never considered especially sinful at home… well maybe because it just never came up. All music except for worship songs were heathenous pagan sinful devilish crap in my family.
      Oh and Louis Armstrong I love, too…. so good.

  10. I saw on your personal Facebook that you’re a fan of The Big Bang Theory. It’s kind of scary for me to watch in some ways because the men are the same kind of people with whom I attended college. (I lived at the residential college with all the science people so a lot of my male friends were computer science/physics people.) I also used to live near Pasadena so I know all about Cal-Tech and the JPL.

    I echo the suggestion to watch “Glee” and I’d also maybe see if I could find some old episodes of “Boy Meets World” if you want to see what high school in the USA is like. I’m addicted to “NCIS” and “CSI” because I’m a bit of a science geek.

  11. Ooooh, I know this is an old post (and I’m sorry but I’ll probably comment on even older posts soon. I’m working backwards through your blog), but you should watch Doctor Who. I’ve only just caught up on the new series now and it’s amazing and ever changing. It’s a very very long series, it started airing in the late 60s, but there was a gap, they didn’t make any between the end of the 80s and only started it again in 2005. Classic Dr Who is pretty cool if you get the chance, but you can just start with the new series and not miss out on much.

    I also second the Gilmore Girls recommendation. I’m only in the first season still, but I love it.

    I also think you should add Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings to your movies lists. Although, at least for Harry Potter, the books are waaay better. I think the book of Lord of the Rings is better than the movies also, but a lot of people disagree, so it would depend how much of a reader you are.

  12. I also recommend the office. Maybe Friends for that NYC 20 somethings. Also a tad older Roseanne but it is (what I feel) normal family dynamic type show.
    Music I could go on and on and on. Coldplay, The Cure, Zero 7, Miles Davis, Billy Joel, Elton John, The Beatles, James Taylor, John Coltrane, Nat King Cole, Foo Fighters, Nirvana, James Brown, The Supremes, Beyonce… I will stop now.
    Ready your story made me feel. Just feel. Beautiful writing I hope you keep it up.

  13. Hey Lisa! I’m SO enjoying reading your blog.๐Ÿ™‚ I somehow found you through commandments of men, & clicked on things that looked interesting untill stopping here. Can’t wait to read the rest of your story. My family wasn’t as stict as yours, but I can relate to some things, like “love isn’t feeling it’s duty.” Was drilled in. I’m not sure where I’m going, or even what to believe. kinda feel lost, but keep quiet about it and think alot. I wonder weather if I died I’d go to hell because I don’t have everything figured out or if longing and looking for God was enough to save me were something to happen before I sure of what is “right.” I know God sees the heart and it’s stupid thinking, but can’t help feeling frightened sometimes.

  14. Seconding the rec (recommendation) for Gilmore Girls, and adding a rec for “Life”. It’s a coop (police) drama about a cop who is released from prison due to DNA evidence clearing him who goes back to the police force. Wonderful series that should have been continued. It’s only two seasons.

    I am also a big fan of Numb3rs which had 5 seasons, and Stargate, which had 10. If you really want something ‘cultural’ go watch Star Trek. My personal fave was “Star Trek: Next Generation.”

    Or how about “Buffy: The Vampire Slayer” or “Firefly” or “Serenity”? Joss Whedon is a master storyteller, who has no problem with strong female characters. That said, be warned, as he always kills off the fan favorite. I have a love/hate relationship with his killing off characters. I hate that he does it, but at least the other characters are shown to have reactions to the death of a character. It’s not like in some sci-fi/anime series where the other characters appear to forget about the dead character.

    Oh, do you get to watch any PBS series? You can watch some PBS / KERA stuff online. I love Independent Lens, P.O.V., and Global Voices. Both give you insights into different points of view and cultures. If you can find any of this at a local library, you can browse through for stuff that might appeal to you.

    Plus PBS has Masterpiece Theater, which is always good.

    Do you read any? You can try reading the Harry Potter series, and the Hunger Games series. (I’d suggest skipping Twilight.) Sherlock Holmes, Agatha Christie, Lois McMaster Bujold, Carole Nelson Douglas are a few starting suggestions. I like Neil Gaiman, but I’ve found that some folks have trouble reading his writing.

    • I do love Harry Potter and I was ab-so-lutely obsessed with Hunger Games. Like, I annoyed the people around me with my obsession. I didn’t look into Twilight simply because I read that the reader is a mormon and that the female lead was very submissive-passive. Something I’ve had quite enough of. I did watch the first movie and it didn’t make me want to see the others, I saw them anyway because one of my friends is obsessed, but it went downhill and I couldn’t tell you what happens in each part of the twilight movies. The Hunger Games movie however I liked a lot and I can’t wait to see it again haha

      • Oh, someone recommended “The Office” and “Office Space.” There is a British version of “The Office” that predates the American series. I sort of prefer the Brit version. And there is a definite ‘end’ to the series.

        Oh, and Martin Freeman, who is in the Brit “The Office” was also in “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” and lately “Sherlock”.

        And yes, Bella out of Twilight, is very submissive-passive. And Edward (the vampire boyfriend) is sort of stalker-ish. There is a fanvid out there with clips from BtVS and Twilight where the person making the fanvid makes it appear as if Buffy has staked Edward.

        Oh, and when someone ask you about something you’ve never heard of, just say you haven’t heard of it, and ask them why they like it and later you can check it out.

        Oh, and earlier Itโ€™s a coop (police) drama about a cop I meant a cop (police) drama. Grr. I swear my fingers are dyslexic sometimes.

        Two recent movies I saw that were really good. “The Exotic Marigold Hotel” and “The Intouchables.” The first one is about some retirees who go to an old Hotel in India that some young man it attempting to turn into a retirement home. Judi Dench stars in it and she’s a great actor.

        The Intouchables is about a black Muslim immigrant who ends up as caretaker to a rich risk-taker who was paralyzed in a hang gliding /para-sailing accident. It’s way more funny than you might think for such a subject matter. If you get a chance to see those you should.

        I also recent got to see “Crooked Arrows” which is sort of like “The Mighty Ducks” and another movie I can’t remember right now. It’s a film about a Native American lacrosse team who struggles to make it to the playoffs. Predictable plot-line, acting of the lead actor is a bit stiff, but the kids in the audience loved it.

        Oh, and if you’re watching Disney movies, have you seen “Lilo and Stitch” yet? I’d recommend watching as many Disney movies as possible.

        If you see the “Cats & Dogs” and/or “Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore” see it with someone who is a big Bond fan. I heard from several parents at one of my jobs that both movies have a lot of stuff pulled from different Bond movies. One parent put it as the animation company being smart, as they are entertaining the parents at the same time as the kid. Apparently kids like to watch the same thing over and over, and my co-worker said you are more likely to watch the movie with the kids again (and again and again) if you get entertained too.

        (Bond movies are sort “if you’ve seen one movie you’ve seen them all” sort of plots, but they’re fun to watch. I’m not a huge fan of Bond movies, I’ve only seen a couple.)

  15. Oh, I forgot to recommend Doctor Who. You should watch the Classic series as well. Look for episodes with Sarah Jane Smith, Leela, Liz Shaw, and Ace. These women were some kick-ass companions to the Doctor.

    And of course the New Who has kick-ass women too.

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