Broken Daughters

Picking up the shattered glass of fundamentalism

Dates, medical tents, slushies.

5 Comments

The last week has been a very exciting one for me.

I have worked a lot and actually got “promoted” (well how much can they really promote you if you’re a waitress?) and that meant a raise, so yay me!

On another note, here’s a big revelation: I had a “date”.

Yep, me. It feels very strange to type that. A date. That’s what worldly people do. They’re dating, practicing for divorce. And now I am, too.

I went for a coffee with a very nice guy, Daniel, I have known for a few months, maybe 8 or 9 months. I mean, I didn’t actually “know” him. He’s a friend of a friend of a friend and I had seen him around a couple of times, heard people tell stories in which he was mentioned and so on. I knew about him, but I didn’t know more than his name and where he works. I found him interesting and attractive since the first time I met him in person, and I had seen him on different occasions after that, but never talked to him other than saying hi and goodbye.

It’s very hard for an ex-fundie girl to deal with men. I don’t know how to tell whether they are interested or not, and if they are, what kind of interest they have in me. I tend to stare at the floor when I’m around men, making sure I don’t give any signs of interest whatsoever, because hey, that’s what good girls do.

The past weekend, my (female) friends and I went to a street festival about an hour from here. There were some live bands and other fun stuff to do, so we had planned for a while that we would go there. Many other friends of friends and so on decided they would come along, so we went in one fun, huge group.

Well, long story short, we had some food, some ice cream, listened to some music. Once it was getting dark and all the pretty, colorful lights were blinking, some people wanted to ride on some rollercoasters. There were different ones, so we split up into groups with people who wanted to do the same thing. I for my part am not a rollercoaster fan at all. I suffer from terrible motion sickness and just looking at some of the rollercoasters made me dizzy hehe. Anyways, my group consisted of my best friend (and roommate) Kate, a guy friend, Simon, and Daniel. And of course, my group was the one which wanted ride the WORST rollercoaster they had. One where you’d be upside down and hanging and terrible stuff like that! There was NO WAY I’d go on that monster. Daniel, Kate and Simon wanted to go on it, but you couldn’t take any purses and were advised to take off watches and such. I came in pretty handy here, getting to put all of their wallets, cells, watches and stuff in my purse. They went on the ride while I watched – it looked frightening. I got dizzy watching it and I watched all of the three turn a tiny bit green in the faces just 2 minutes into the ride. Once they got off, Simon actually threw up, that’s how sick he felt. Kate was pretty sick too and had to hold on to something all the time as to not fall over. Daniel was pretty shook up too, and a bit sick, but he could walk without a problem.

We decided to find a bathroom where they could freshen up and get their legs in order. We found one, but Simon didn’t get any better. He saw everything spinning (his eyes were doing weird motions, too, I was worried) and Kate ended up throwing up once she was in the bathroom. Daniel felt like he needed a drink really bad. We decided to get Simon and Kate to the medical tent so they could take a look at Simon. They took a look at him and said that he’d be fine, but it would be good for him to lie down for a bit. Kate decided she needed some rest too, so she stayed as well. Daniel asked me if I wanted to get a drink with him. So we went, as Kate told me not to let her ruin my evening.

We got Daniel a bottle of coke first and I ended up getting a cherry slushy. I love them. We walked around, sipping our drinks, looking at all the things you could do. We got to a small shooting range where you could win a stuffed animal and useless things like that. Daniel mentioned he was “really good” at shooting. I looked at the range and said “Yeah that might be, but you know, that’s a rip off, nobody’s good at this.” He gave me a look and asked me to pick out a stuffed animal I wanted, any of them, and he’d prove me that he could win it. I laughed and agreed and picked out a teddy I thought was cute. So he went for the first round – nothing. That upset him quite a bit while I was giggling away. He decided to give it a second try, nothing again. I told him to let it be, the teddy wasn’t that cute anyway. We kept walking around, talked a lot about this and that. We listened to another live band for a few minutes, then he convinced me to a ride on a big wheel, which was fun (amazing view at night!), got a piece of pizza and finally started making our way back to the medical tents to pick up the two sick ferrets.

On the way back, Daniel told me that he thought I was a weirdo when he first saw me, and that he had heard rumours about me and my background, so he was scared to even talk to me. He also said that I’m not that weird once you get to talk to me and that he’d love to go out to do something again some other time. We ended up exchanging numbers and picked up Simon and Kate, who were still sick and wanted to go home immediately. The one hour drive was quite a torture for those two!

And now, I’m sitting here realizing that I wanted to talk about my actual date, but I’m already at 1000+ words with this post, so I’m guessing I’ll stop here for now and continue in a different post. (dramatic climax!!! hah!)

5 thoughts on “Dates, medical tents, slushies.

  1. I’m not a huge fan of dating, unless I’m interested in marriage some day to a girl, but being a Baptist preacher has absolutely nothing to do with that. I just don’t have time for the drama. Having said that, I have plenty of friends that are girls, and if something were to happen between me, and one of them, then of course I’d date her. Courting is so 1990’s fundamentalism! I guess at this point in my life, the only person who loves me more than I love me is Jesus, so I’ll stay happily single. As for you, it sure doesn’t hurt to go out with a guy as long as you don’t go falling head over heals for him the first day. I’ve seen that work great, and I’ve seen it be a complete disaster, too! Life’s full of taking risks though, and how will you know unless you take one! You go, girl! Thanks for adding me to FB, too. Enjoy my debates with the more fundy-thinking people on my friends’ list.

    • You know, I think I’ve come to realize that there’s “dating”, and then there’s dating. One with the goal to have a boyfriend for whatever reasons (even if that might just be not being alone when everybody else has somebody), the other as just a way of getting to know each other first to see if it could be anything more.
      I’m not looking for a boyfriend at all and I don’t feel pressured by anybody, actually, everybody I know is single except for one person, and I’m not feeling like I’m getting “old” or “it’s time”, but I believe that if something comes my way, I might as well see what’s going on. And yeah, I think meeting for a coffee a few times to know the very basics about a person (like, how old are you, lol) isn’t really dating even. A date in my mind has something “romantic” about it. Or something sexual, but that’s just my idea from how I’ve been raised.

      The whole courtship debate is so going on my nerves. My parents don’t have to live with whom I end up marrying, so I don’t want them to pick the person. That went wrong the first time. I’d love to have some older person for honest, realistic input in these matters, but all I have is my aunt and she lives a bit far away. Plus, I really don’t want to introduce a guy to my aunt just we went for coffee once. I’ll keep that for when I think it might be something, hah!

      • Makes perfect sense. By your definition of the first dating, I guess that means I’m an active participant. Lol! I’ve been to churches, and sadly, a few in the church I attend, don’t think guys and girls even have any business being friends. Thankfully, my pastor doesn’t think that way at all, otherwise I wouldn’t go here, but I say, if you can’t have friends of the opposite sex, how will you meet somebody to be interested in. Also, here’s one for you to ponder. What *is* the Scriptural way of marriage? Was in God creating Eve for Adam? That was a special case. How about Apraham sending his servant to find Rebekah for Isaac, or Jacob wanting to marry one girl, and ending up with the sister, or Moses going off and marrying an Ethiopian? There are so many different scenarios, each of which within the bounds of their current culture, and the new testament gives no guidelines, so I believe we’re supposed to be lead by the Spirit, and our own consciences, and no one should try to put us back under legalistic practices. That’l preach!

  2. “A date. That’s what worldly people do. They’re dating, practicing for divorce. And now I am, too.”

    I love this! I happen to think that practicing is actually a good way to get good at something, and what you’re practicing is not “for divorce” but rather how to handle relationships. Through dating you learn more about yourself and about what you want in a partner, and you learn more about how to handle relationship dynamics. My husband dated two girls before he dated me, and I can say without a shadow of a doubt that those two relationships made him a better boyfriend and, now, husband. I think dating – and dating more than one person – is a very good thing! Of course, you have to be careful and all, and there is a risk of heartbreak. But sometimes you have to take risks to find achieve something good! And so I say, it’s never bad to love. Risk a little and you may find that the rewards are great.🙂

  3. First coffee, and the next thing you know you’re checking into an hourly-rate motel with the guy! Aaack! (hee, hee). No, really it sounds like fun. When my husband and I were dating (15 plus years ago), coffee shops were our favorite places, and they still are (when we can find a babysitter, that is).

    Actually, I have seen the “courtship” thing work out well, but it was very different than what you described. The “courtship” that left the very best impression on me was that of our baby sitter. It was basically two young people (young but still marriage material) who had met one another, spent time together in group settings and totally fell for one another. They CHOSE each other because they had been given the freedom to learn the necessary social skills and to take part in the real world (the world in which people meet other people). Then they decided, with the support but not the COMMAND of their families, to spend their “dating” time mostly with their families and in group settings, or in public places when they were alone. They knew they were in love and wanted to stave off some temptation, so they chose the path that they thought most honored their goals. But it was their choice, as was the level of physical affection. And it was a lovely thing to watch. They now have a couple of little ones and a happy life.

    My husband and I were high school sweethearts and married young. As Christians (from two TOTALLY different Christian backgrounds), we both knew that we wanted to save sex for marriage. That was our intention. However, we put ourselves in situations that were far too tempting for two young people in love… and the rest in history. We both have really regretted that choice and we wish we had thought to “date” a little differently. But if someone had MANDATED that, we would have probably rebelled and eloped (we’re both strong-willed children). When it comes time for our 4 boys to start dating or courting, I hope to help them explore their options and see what best matches with their goals. Wish I had had someone to do that with me. Mostly, I just hope they marry girls who like me🙂.

    Looking forward to hearing about your date. I hope it was wonderful.

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