Broken Daughters

Picking up the shattered glass of fundamentalism

How can he look at me and still love me?

7 Comments

When he sees me, I’m crawling on the floor, torn. He comes to pick me up, but I don’t even have the strength to take his hand. When he looks at my eyes, he doesn’t see the blue that was there once. He sees only redness and tears. And yet he says there’s much more that he sees. I don’t see it. He knows how I feel and yet he doesn’t think I’m crazy. He knows what I think and he tells me it’s ok to think that way.

I say “I don’t know where to go” and he says “I’ll be next to you wherever you’ll go”.

I say “I don’t know if anybody can love me” and he says “I’m already loving you”.

I say “I have made so many mistakes” and he says “They don’t matter to me at all”.

I say “I’m broken into tiny little pieces” and he says “I’ll help you pick up every single one of them”.

I say “I can’t go there yet” and he says “I’ll wait with you until you feel like it”.

I say “I don’t want you in my life, I don’t want any of that in my life” and he says “I’m already here and I can wait until there’s room for me”.

How can he look at me, this monstrous creature I am, and still see the beauty in me? How can he kiss every single one of my ugly scars and tell me that they make me wonderful? How can he take being pushed away over and over and still not leave? Still not give up on hoping that I’ll turn to him?

 

I’m not talking about God.

7 thoughts on “How can he look at me and still love me?

  1. dear Lisa,
    I much hope this does not mean you have gone back home and Harry. Because if you do, you’ll never find your own strength to heal. Healing can only come from your own strength – don’t go back to where you came from, for you will only be more shattered.

  2. If you’re talking about Daniel (I think that was his name?), I think as long as he respects your current boundaries and limitations and as long as you don’t jump into anything permanent too quickly, it’s good to have someone there for you ready to hold your hand as you walk your journey of recovery. I know it was for me, at least.

  3. Healing comes from many sources. It comes from your own strength as well as the strength of others who care, love you and support you. If this person is Harry it sounds like he has a tender caring heart and is genuinely concerned for you. Trust your instincts.

  4. Love that expects or demands nothing in return is truly a beautiful thing. I hope you can begin to see yourself as he sees you, as someone of great value. Blessings to you this Thanksgiving.

  5. You’re just seeing real, true love in action. Which is not to say that you should marry him at any point but that he is exhibiting real, true love. The sort of love that all of us should give to those who matter to us.

  6. This is what real, true love looks like. Which is not to say that this is the person you should marry or anything like that just that when we really, truly love someone or care deeply about someone and are a true friend, this is what it looks like. You are blessed to have someone care so deeply about you.

  7. this is beautiful. it can be real. fight for it.

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