Broken Daughters

Picking up the shattered glass of fundamentalism

Don’t waste your love!

5 Comments

Oh my dear readers! I’m having a tough day as I’m studying my brains out (I’m afraid it will melt, run out of my ears and end up on the floor!). Right now, I’m taking a small break with a cup of coffee and figured I’d post something on here.

I’ve been wondering – yet again! – about love. I’ll admit, it’s my favourite thing in the world.

I think it was Libby over at lovejoyfeminism.blogspot.com who wrote about how love doesn’t just run out when you give it away. See we’ve all been raised to believe that you will eventually have no more love to give to anybody if you “spend” it all on “unimportant” people. This is mainly used to argue pro waiting on God’s perfect man for you. After all, you can’t give your husband all your love if you loved a man before. And I think Libby too came up with this amazing way to prove that this might not be correct:

If you have a child, you love it. If you have another, you love it too. Do you love your second child less because you already gave your love to the first one (or vice versa)? I think every mother would laugh hysterically (or scream) if somebody supposed this idea to her!

In the same way, do you love multiple siblings less because the one that came first took all your love? Of course not.

Libby said that it seems that love grows more the more you give it away. It’s endless. It’s not a pool of water that will run empty eventually. It’s an endless source you can take from whenever need be.

I think that’s a beautiful way to say it. And it’s so true. Libby, I can’t tell you how much of a gift you gave me with that wonderful post of yours.

A while ago I was watching youtube videos (the internet is evil and does NOT want me to study!). Among them was a tag game and one of the questions was “Would you rather be loved and never love back, or love and not be loved back?”

I was surprised to hear my own answer: It’s the second option. I’d MUCH rather feel love for someone, even if he or she doesn’t love me back, than be the admired girl who is empty of love. I think my answer would’ve been completely different back when I was living with my family.

Since I left I started to feel all sorts of things, and love is one of them. I love the family I have here, but I don’t love my family in the US any less because of that. I love my friends. I love my life here.

Feeling that is so amazing. I am because I love and it doesn’t matter if that love is returned or not. The feeling of actually feeling something like that is enough to give me all I need. I wasn’t allowed to love people outside of my family this way. “Loving” your friends is discouraged. Now I can give away feely what I have and I realize that it really doesn’t grow less. Of course it’s all different ways, how you love certain people. But as the saying goes, love is always the same flowers, just sometimes the blossoms have a different color. And like a flower, it exists in me, just for me. I don’t need people to admire it, to help me tend it. I can do that very well on my own. It’s like a garden, growing bigger and bigger and more beautiful each day. So if I’m not loved back, if nobody comes to help me water my flowers and admire them, does it make them less pretty? Of course not. But obviously, it’s a great joy when others come to take a look anyway!

5 thoughts on “Don’t waste your love!

  1. The whole concept of only being able to love one man as your husband is just beyond me. What about the women who become widows? Are they never to marry again? The Apostle Paul said they were. And what about the command to be like Jesus? He loves the whole world and we are too.

    In Greek, there are five words for love. In English, we have one. Not all love is the same. There is brotherly love, romantic love, comfortable “old shoe” love, sexual love and Perfect Divine love. We may love a spouse with all of those at different times of our lives.

    I have a Family Circus cartoon where the mother is standing with her four children and another woman asks her how she divides her love among them. She says she doesn’t divide it–she multiplies it. That’s the way it should be with everyone. We should love the world because God loves the world–and love our friends in the way they need.

    Or as one pastor said–People need love the most when they deserve it the least.

  2. What a great post! I absolutely cannot believe that it came from a study-fried brain!

    I have found that, like any good habit, love must be practiced in order to become a way of life. There are so many people out there to practice on, too! Of course, my family is the first recipient of my love, but loving them makes me so much more capable and well-practiced at loving other people. If I understood your post correctly, I think this may be what you are experiencing.

    I am sorry you were not encouraged to practice loving, in the true sense, while you were growing up. But what a joy that you are practicing it so much right now!!

    And I had to laugh at the part about being able to love a second child as much as the first. After I had my first son, I loved him so absolutely much that I was sure there would be no way I could possibly love another child as much. After all, how much love could one woman produce??? It actually really stressed me out, and I felt sorry for any subsequent, moderately-loved children I might have (I WAS only in my very early 20’s, so I had much to learn about life and motherhood :-)). When my second baby came along, I was shocked that I could immediately love him with the same devotion and infatuation as my first. And that is how it has been with all of my children. We are expecting another one in a few months, and I already feel the same kind of deep maternal love for this one as I do for all of my others, so I guess practice really does make perfect!!

    May you be the giver of much love AND the recipient, too!

  3. I’m so glad my post helped you! It was a revelation to me as well, when I realized it. I grew up so afraid to even have crushes for fear that I was robbing my future husband of something.:-/

    • Oh good it WAS you who wrote it. I didn’t want to delay studying longer than I had to because, you know, once the internet has you, you won’t get out that fast! I wasn’t 100% sure but thanks for coming here to confirm my suspicions!

  4. “My bounty is as boundless as the sea,
    The more I give to thee the more I have
    For both are infinite.”
    –William Shakespeare, Romeo & Juliet (spoken by Juliet)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s