I have learned many things in those last years. I have changed the ways I perceive certain things. I reevaluated much in my life.
One of the most important lessons I have learned is the lesson about happiness and sadness. What I’m about to write might seem like old news to many, or the girlish musings of an inexperienced fundamentalist, but it helps me so to remind myself of this whenever need be.
If you had more money than you could ever possibly spend, of what value would that money be?
If you had infinite water and food, of what value would that be, when you do not know hunger?
If you had infinite, constant happiness at all times, how happy would you really be?
The value of something can only appreciates when you know the opposite.
Happiness means nothing without sadness.
I have had very very dark days in my life. Days where I couldn’t look into the future because I simply could not see anything good coming my way. I couldn’t imagine happiness ever again.
I remember a day earlier, this spring, when I was so very happy. I hadn’t thought of anything bad ever coming my way for days, I was ecstatic, glowing, feeling like I could take the whole world with me (and eat one of those tasty McDonald’s cakes at the same time). And on exactly that day I realized: This. This moment only exists because I know the bad days. And because I know the bad days will come again. They’re lurking right around the corner, waiting for me. They will come.
But that didn’t make me sad at all – isn’t that funny? I was there, smiling, knowing that because those bad days will come soon enough, I have to value these happy days. These happy days in which I’m not bothered with anything that scares, hurts, breaks me.
For every up, there is a down. And then an up again. And down. That’s how it is, and it’s good that way.
And suddenly I’m able to do something I couldn’t imagine before: I can value sadness and hurt. I can sit here and be sad and depressed, and even crying, and I know that this won’t last forever. There will be an up again. There will be a day (it’s actually lurking around the corner) where I will smile and look at the sunshine and the beauty of life and my heart will be beating fast, because I will be so, so happy again. And sadness becomes eagerness. Becomes anticipation for the good to come.
I’m writing this post right now in a situation I can feel will bring a down. To be quite honest, I could easily avoid getting into it. I could be quiet (and meek, urghs!) and sit on my mountain of happiness just to realize that it isn’t worth anything. So instead, I will just jump off it, hopefully not break a leg, and get ready to climb a new mountain.
It will be dark and scary, but there’s always more to come.