You know how people say that the summer you graduate high school is “the best summer of your life”?
I’ve heard so much of this in the past few months. “This will be the summer of your life! Make the most of it! Enjoy! This feeling will never come back!”
Well, they’re right, I’m not going to go all whiney on you.
It’s just… it’s so much. I feel like I’m being buried under a ton of bricks. It’s too much!
I try to work a lot to pay for some city trips I planned with friends. And that’s really exhausting for me, because I’m trying to balance it with so much other stuff.
On monday, we go swimming. On Tuesday, we go shopping. On Wednesday, we go for coffees. On thursday it’s movie night. On friday there’s some fair to go to (every weekend in the summer there’s one around here… gosh, they’re all the same!), on saturday and sunday, well, there’s always some social event.
I know I’m bitching on a super high level here. It’s just that I’m not a social person. Being with people and socializing every single day is a bit draining for me because I feel so pushed to do it. When I try to say no, people say stuff like “But it’s the summer of your life!!!”. Yeah, totally.
I hardly have time for D, and some stuff has come up there that I’d really like to work on (nothing bad but still). I feel like I’m neglecting him – he works full-time and when he’s off work, I’m hardly ever there. Last time I saw him on Wednesday – today’s Saturday and I hope he’ll tag along if he’s not too exhausted.
And at the same time, I feel like university is looming over my head like an axe. I’m so so so afraid of it! I just feel like this is too big for me. This can’t be me, I’m not good enough for it, I can’t do it. I’m so afraid of failure. Everybody says this’ll get better after the first month of university when you get into the feel of it, but I’m not sure. Of course I won’t back out now, just can’t stop feeling this way.
Well, I’m typing this up in a hurry. I just got off work and showered – my hair’s still wet and I’m supposed to pick my friends up in 5 minutes. Mind you, it’s a 20 minute drive. I just had to get this out.
Oh, and: We’re going to a street festival. Greaaaaaaaat. At least there’ll be decent food, so I was told.