Broken Daughters

Picking up the shattered glass of fundamentalism

Good Bye 2012!


it is funny how views change. I remember, when I was younger, I did not really care about New Years. Not that I didn’t care at all, but it wasn’t as special to me as it is now. I guess I adopted a different view.

I used to sit during the time between Christmas and New Years and come up with dreams for the new year – things I was hoping to do, things I was hoping to see, things I was hoping that would happen. I never really looked back at the past year and in retrospective I have to say that there really wasn’t much to look back at. I was just waiting for great things to happen.

The last few New Years have been different. I don’t really look forward to the new year in a sense that I dream of what could be – I rather spend time thinking about what happened in the old year. And I think that’s a major shift in my world view. I’m not terribly nostalgic or anything, I’m not particularly sad that this year is over, but nevertheless it marks a few great events in my life. It is, for sure, a year I will not forget.

Patriarchs like to put pretty much everything into boxes, that’s what they’re best at. Well I have to admit I’m very much a box person. There’s a little box in my head which I have been putting all those great events of the past year into, hoping that I will never lose them. Finishing school is one of them. Starting university another. The many great days in which I felt like it would be the end of my life but turned out to be real good. The days with friends, laughing in the sun, coffee in the city, getting dressed up for date nights, wanting to scream out all that energy and wishing that we could live in those moments forever.

Recently, D and I sat on the couch, watching a movie, me just slightly asleep, I told him that I wouldn’t mind the least if the world stopping right now and things would be like this forever. He laughed and I asked him why. He said that I wouldn’t want that to happen. Again, I asked him why, and he replied that my butt would get real sore and I would wish that it would end soon. Sometimes this guy doesn’t realize how much to the point his ideas are. The beauty of a moment seems to be not necessarily defined by itself but rather by the collection of moments in each day, good and bad. A moment of relaxation doesn’t come without prior exhaustion, like everything, it’s the balance which makes something remarkable.

Tomorrow night will be a fun night with friends, and after that, a new year will begin. I think I can finally stop caring about the new year and instead treasure these last moments with the old one. Because, you know, very few things in life are for certain and I can promise you, one of them is the new year. It will come along, no matter how hard you wish to stop it, or push it in this or that direction. It will come and do whatever it will, and besides that, there’s nothing much you can change. So let’s all just try to remember one moment in our lives that we want to treasure for the rest of our lives and say goodbye to the old year.

Oh my, I kind of sound like an old lady on TV. Well, please try to see it instead as the thoughts of a 20 something year old who doesn’t know much about old and new years except that we’re all in it together 😉

5 thoughts on “Good Bye 2012!

  1. Hi Lisa!
    I’ve been reading your blog for some hours now and I can’t help thinking how a strong, brave and inspiring woman you are! Being myself from a conservative background (from another religion though) and yearning to get out of it and free myself just like you did, I can tell you your story is so motivating!
    Please, don’t give up! While I was reading how you grew up, I was thinking how similar it is to where I am from. Fundamentalism is somthing people should fight, wherever they are. I wanted you to know that your battle have sense to people in places you won’t even think of, and maybe, when they read your story, they’ll find the courage to go upstream and follow their hearts.
    I also wish a happy new year, with happiness and fulfilment and success in your studies, and in everything you undertake. (And I apologize for my weak english)

  2. Love this post! I think it’s good to balance the looking forward and the looking back… Happy New Year to you, Lisa!

  3. I just discovered your blog a few days ago. Riveting and yet it’s so sad to me that you were immersed in this terrible QF lifestyle growing up. I’ve known some people (neighbors & relatives) who have grown up with similar beliefs as you. I’ve even been a guest with them at some fundamental independent church services (where, even as a Christian I felt totally uncomfortable and judged).
    You said several times in your story that you never felt “Good enough”. Two things about that:
    1. I don’t think your parents felt “good enough” either, which is why they’ve tried for YEARS to prove that they were acceptable to God (like Pharisees?). How sad that they’ve missed the point – Grace is a free gift and LOVE is the most important command.
    2. YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. God loves you just as you are – nothing more or less. I pray that as you move forward in the future, you discover how purely and deeply God loves you!
    May 2013 be a brand new year of discovery and growth for you. I can’t wait to read more of your posts in your life story!

  4. Thank you for the good perspective for the New Year. I am ready for some closure on 2012. The last half of the year has been such a hard one, the hardest my husband and I have ever had to face. We are ready to close that chapter and start a new one, but I will be sure to do as you have said and hold on to some of the good memories that were made in the midst of the trials. Even though it was a BRUTAL year, there is still so much to be thankful for. I guess it is the hard stuff that makes the good stuff seem all the better.

    Many blessings to you in 2013!

  5. Hi – I have been reading your blog on and off for a month or so. I have not read it all but I remember reading sometime ago that your mom might be coming to Germany to visit you. I was really glad for you and her at that time. Not sure where that part is on this blog. Did she ever come? I hope so.

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